Four Things

This is part 2 of two; read part one here

Sometime after he got his new gig, in another storm, Stuart saw a young woman stuck on the side of the road with a smoking engine and a frightful face. He pulled over.

“I… I can’t pay you,” she whispered.

Stuart smiled.

“You don’t have to,” he said. “Just pass the kindness forward.”

Because you never know whom you’re stopping for, and you never know whom you become the moment you decide to stop.

That, to me, was such a powerful expression of what he had become, because he chose to stop by the roadside in the middle of the rain to help somebody. But then the important message he shared with this lady was to pass the kindness forward. The kindness cannot stop with you; pass it on. Kindness that depends on reciprocity isn’t kindness; pass it on to the one who has no means to repay you.

This is the point where the four principles kick in: first, to have something to believe in is to believe that there is another human being who considers you their priority and does not expect anything in return for making you that priority.

Hundreds of cars may have driven past Mr. Sterling, and some drivers may have wondered to themselves, ‘If the old man only had AAA.’ They would have helped him in his time of need. But the reality is that it only takes one person, one human being who believes in the human enterprise. Because they believe in the human enterprise, they believe in another human being. And because they believe in another human being, they pull over to offer their assistance.

It takes one human being to believe that they can stop by the roadside, put their own life at risk in the middle of the rain, and offer help. It takes one human being to believe that they can “Make a habit of two things,” as Hippocrates said, “To help; or at least not to harm.” It takes one human being to make that choice to help. And you have to believe in the human enterprise to make that choice to help. 

It is not true that those who didn’t stop were bad people or that they didn’t believe in the human enterprise. Heaven knows what each one of them might have been dealing with at that moment. For those people, the simple reason is that they didn’t consider an old man standing in the pouring rain trying to fix his tire a priority.

To believe in something is to give that something priority in your life; it keeps you grounded and provides a reason for your being. If we believe in God, as many of us profess, then God becomes our priority. But insofar as we do not see God, the people that we see become our priority because those people have something in them that tells us something about the God we believe in. I don’t necessarily know any difference between serving people and serving God. To serve God is to serve people and to serve people is to serve God. And to believe in the human enterprise is to believe in God.

There is no doubt in my mind that we all have people we love and something we love. Having something to love invites these questions: What is it that most appeals to you? What is it that you can never have enough of? For whom and for what would you stand in a rainstorm in your last suit? These are serious questions, but I wouldn’t be surprised if none of the people who first come to mind are total strangers. The reason is that we are most wired to be attracted to the people we think we know and the things we think we can be comfortable with.

To have something to love is always to keep an open mind, and to be open to the many possibilities and surprises that the world and life have to offer. Fact is, you don’t only have to love the people you know, or be comfortable with the things you know or have come to know.



I tell you what - the idea of love at first sight is such a powerful testament to the love that is made possible by people who are open to new possibilities. Stuart, like the Good Samaritan, didn’t know Mr. Sterling. But seeing another human being, this older man, standing in the rain and in distress, moved him to act simply out of love. When you are open to love, you do not underestimate the possibilities that await you. When you are open to having something to love, you take risks to express that love. When you are open to love, it feels like you have made yourself vulnerable to some of the treasured parts of the human story.

To have something to work on is to be like Mr. Sterling, who decided to undertake this experiment with his wife. Their goal was not to find perfect people but to understand human decency and how we treat each other, especially those in need or distress. It wasn’t because they had finished working on themselves; they knew that we all have to work on ourselves.

But here is the truth: To work on yourself is such a powerful, beautiful gift. It is a personal acknowledgement that we are not all where we need to be, that we are all a work in progress, and so we commit ourselves to the process of working on others by working on ourselves.

It shouldn’t surprise you that the more we work on ourselves, the more we work on others, because our work on ourselves determines how others react to us. For that reason, we should never give up on the idea that there is something to work on. There is always something to work on, and part of that something that needs to be worked on is us - you and I.

The question is, are we willing to undertake the task of working on ourselves? Do we see ourselves as a car with a flat tire that needs to be worked on? Your guess is as good as mine.

Although Stuart’s job interview fell apart, the one place that he could look forward to going was home. His home wasn’t a palace, and doesn’t have to be. His home was the one place where, if all else falls apart, he could still go, be welcomed, and be assured that all will be alright. That is one place where a parent’s love is tested again and again. That one place where our seeds of hope are sown and nurtured and where meaning and purpose find their bearings.

What inspires me about Stuart’s story is that he was down on his luck. Like, really down, deep down. He had nothing to look forward to. There was really nothing in him to give, and no incentive to help. But he didn’t allow his personal disappointments and challenges to cloud his judgment. He could have said, "You know, I have had a rough day with someone who questioned my grit, so why should I bother with some old man in the rain? He would sort himself out." But that’s not what happened. He offered what little he had without expecting anything in return.

It isn't easy to look forward to life’s dramatic turn when you are down or when others have put you down. But what is hope if it cannot revive in us the gift of looking forward to something, anything, something worth living for or even dying for?

I believe that there is always something to look forward to, not only because you know where you are going or what is expected of you, but that even when you don’t know where you are going, or even when life feels like a cul-de-sac, you can still make choices that speaks to the broader idea that you recognize each moment of life as being precious.

To live a meaningful, thriving, and faithful life, we all must understand that the four principles are interrelated, just as our lives weave together like a thread.

We are in a season of love, peace, joy, and hope. There is no doubt that it has been a very difficult year for all of us. Life feels like we are standing by our car in the rain by the roadside, watching people drive by, and wondering who will stop to offer help. Life may feel like we have concluded our job interview, and nothing is going well for us.

It is amid all this that we have been invited to be joyous, to help, to give, to live, and to love - not out of abundance, but out of gratitude; not because our world is smooth sailing or hunky-dory, but because we recognize each moment as being precious.

Manny+