Fixing a Dish

This past Saturday, I participated in the faith-based conflict resolution training sessions offered by the Diocese of Maryland in collaboration with the Anne Arundel Conflict Resolution Center. It was the second of three sessions.

As part of our ice breaker, we engaged in a group activity of fixing a dish or making a meal. The dish itself and some of the ingredients should represent accountability, trust, grace, and stewardship. Each group could make whatever dish they wanted; it could be cultural, national, ethnic, or international. It is interesting that each of the six groups came up with a variety of meals. My group decided on chicken soup.

For stewardship, we thought about being good stewards of God’s creation. That would mean being mindful of the amount of ingredients that we use in preparing the dish. The point is that we don’t want to overuse any ingredients, because we don’t want the food we are cooking to taste bad. We want to be mindful and intentional about what we use.

With regards to trust, we were of the view that to work together, we must be willing to trust each other. We must believe each other to be honest, open, and flexible. We must trust each other to the point that we can eat the food together and invite others to eat with us.

Grace abounds in the collaborative work that we do together. The grace that is realized is one in which the group understands that each member is not perfect, or that the ingredients may not look great or perfect, but the joy is in using what we have to create something delicious. It is for this reason that we each approach conflict resolution as we are - not perfect.

But that even in our imperfection, we work hard to be as graceful as we can, recognizing the gift of each other. The point is, without the benefit of extending that grace, how do we solve the most intractable issues that confront us?

To be accountable, we have to think about ourselves in relation to others. Since many others may not like spicy soup, instead of adding peppers to the soup, we will put the spices on the side so those who like spicy food can have access to them.

Another part of our thinking process involved the universal connection we all share regarding cooking and food. There’s not a single culture anywhere in the world where people don't cook. There is also no culture where soup isn't considered a delicacy. There is a universal bond that we all share when it comes to cooking and food, and that is an advantage that we cannot overlook. To bring people together through conflict resolution, we have to consider the bonds they share.

The point of the icebreaker was to help us understand the difficult work of resolving conflict. It is a painstaking and taxing work. It is an intentional work, similar to cooking a meal - emphasis on intentional. It cannot be done haphazardly, in just the same way that you cannot cook haphazardly. To cook, and to cook good food, we have to be intentional.

The fact is that having a community means being open to resolving conflicts. Conflict is almost always at the heart of any relationship that involves two or more people, or any community, for that matter. For that relationship or community to thrive, we commit ourselves to the difficult, intentional work of resolving our conflicts.

I remember my early days in the US when I had a job at Marshalls. I don’t know why they put me in the shoes department, but that was the area that I was responsible for. To create a space where clients would feel safe and find whatever shoe they were looking for, I had to be very intentional about keeping shoes off the floor. Clients will pick shoes, try them on, and then leave them on the floor. But because I was constantly walking through the racks, I would pick the shoes that had been left on the floor and put them back.

Working in the shoes department was quite an experience. I loved it, and that reminds me of this other story.

There’s a story of an entrepreneur who was asked about the secret to his success. His response was ‘Two, not three.’ "What does that mean?" he was asked. He said, "Whenever a woman comes to my store and asks for a pair of shoes to try on, I will get her that pair of shoes. And then she will say, ‘Could I see that pair, please?’ I will bring her the second pair of shoes. And when she says, ‘Can I see one too?’ I will simply respond ‘Which one do you want me to take away?"

What the entrepreneur found out was that when the women who came to his store had to choose from three, they didn't choose any. But when they had to choose between two shoes, they always chose one.

An important part of our Lenten journey is the joy of choosing - making choices that reflect the power of grace and humility. And these are intentional choices. The entrepreneur's strategy was to encourage his customers to be intentional about their shoe choices. And our task is to be intentional about the choices that we also make.

To an extent, Lent is about conflict resolution. We engage in the difficult work of resolving our conflicts with ourselves, with each other, and even with the Divine.

Lent is about the intentional work of cooking a delicious meal, not for yourself alone, but for everyone and for the good of everyone.

Lent is about the difficult, intentional work of reconciliation. We don’t only seek to reconcile with ourselves but with God.

Lastly, Lent is about pruning. We cut all that which is dying and give way to new life to emerge. One season gives way to a new season. If the old doesn’t die, new life wouldn’t emerge.

This Lent, I invite you to think about being an ingredient-you represent something that is valuable. We need you in the soup. We cannot do away with you, your talents, or gifts. They all come together to make the soup delicious.

This Lent, we commit ourselves to being intentional as we prepare our meal.

Manny+